the balance of hypocrisy

Posted: October 26, 2011 in Personal, Social
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As I’ve started to invest more energy into getting out of the house, I’ve tried to focus not just on things to do but people to do them with. I have a natural tendency to simply let my friendships follow their own course and not put much energy into them in the belief that true friendships maintain themselves, but that also acts as an excuse to not put in much effort at all. Essentially, I gave myself an excuse to be lazy with all but my closest friends. And of course, when you get lazy with casual friendships, they will naturally come to an end. Generally it’s around this point that I start feeling like I have no friends and wondering why nobody calls.

Where this gets tricky is finding that line between where I’m happy to extend myself regardless of the outcome because the friendship is fulfilling, and where I feel I’m overextending myself for a friendship that I will never get back enough to consider it worthwhile. I’ve never found that line, and I’m not sure I ever will. I’ve always believed everyone else established that line ages ago, while I was left floundering to grasp my place. Secretly I’ve come to think most never found the line, they just found themselves on the other side of it from me.

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