The first step is admitting you have a problem

Posted: February 20, 2006 in Uncategorized

I feel lately I’ve become too dependent on other people for my happiness. It’s yet another kind of bad habit, and I’m trying to make a conscious effort to break myself of it. I’ve changed a lot over the past few years, most of it for the better, but this is one trait I think I’ve let sink too deep.

I think it’s pretty obvious at this point that I’m generally taking stock of myself these days and re-adjusting where I see the need.

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Comments
  1. muffster says:

    to me it seems that other people can not MAKE me happy. that is an inside job. What other people offer me is someone to share my happieness, sorrow joy hate love pain etc etc with.

  2. Anonymous says:

    to me it seems that other people can not MAKE me happy. that is an inside job. What other people offer me is someone to share my happieness, sorrow joy hate love pain etc etc with.

  3. Well…there’s two ways to look at the whole “dependent-on-others for happiness” thing.
    Einstein said we were here for the sake of others. It’s the whole John Donne thing about no man being an island, blah blah blah.
    On the flip side of things, I’m sure someone smart somewhere and sometime must have said something about how you need to be ok and happy on your own before you can truly be happy. (Or at least I’m sure I’ve read something to this effect.)
    Just curious, but…how do you plan on changing things? (Subject to another post, maybe?)

    • Reuben says:

      Indeed, there is definitely a happy medium between the two extremes, but I’ve been finding myself uncomfortable and, distressingly, bored when I don’t have someone to talk to or do something with. Obviously the winter months are the worst for this, but I think I just need to focus a bit more on actual activities other than socializing when I have downtime. That was a big part of leaving town this past weekend; I knew that if I stayed around, I’d just sit at home and be bored because there was no-one about.
      I suspect the specifics of how all this will shake down will simply make themselves apparent as I go along. Because right now I’m just playing it by ear.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Well…there’s two ways to look at the whole “dependent-on-others for happiness” thing.

    Einstein said we were here for the sake of others. It’s the whole John Donne thing about no man being an island, blah blah blah.

    On the flip side of things, I’m sure someone smart somewhere and sometime must have said something about how you need to be ok and happy on your own before you can truly be happy. (Or at least I’m sure I’ve read something to this effect.)

    Just curious, but…how do you plan on changing things? (Subject to another post, maybe?)

    • Anonymous says:

      Indeed, there is definitely a happy medium between the two extremes, but I’ve been finding myself uncomfortable and, distressingly, bored when I don’t have someone to talk to or do something with. Obviously the winter months are the worst for this, but I think I just need to focus a bit more on actual activities other than socializing when I have downtime. That was a big part of leaving town this past weekend; I knew that if I stayed around, I’d just sit at home and be bored because there was no-one about.

      I suspect the specifics of how all this will shake down will simply make themselves apparent as I go along. Because right now I’m just playing it by ear.

  5. tokori says:

    I find I actually enjoy having time alone more then I enjoy being with other people and I never thought I would feel that way. I think this is a result of my time in CA, because I was alone 98% of the days and nights, I was forced to do everything alone and without friends, I made myself go out to eat, to movies, on hikes, on road trips.. and one day, i realized I really liked doing it.
    now, for the most part, i find I enjoy the time alone more then I enjoy the time I spend with (90% of the people) I know. Its scarey to know I can be so happy all alone but at the same time its really liberating because you arent depending on anyone else for anything.

  6. Anonymous says:

    I find I actually enjoy having time alone more then I enjoy being with other people and I never thought I would feel that way. I think this is a result of my time in CA, because I was alone 98% of the days and nights, I was forced to do everything alone and without friends, I made myself go out to eat, to movies, on hikes, on road trips.. and one day, i realized I really liked doing it.

    now, for the most part, i find I enjoy the time alone more then I enjoy the time I spend with (90% of the people) I know. Its scarey to know I can be so happy all alone but at the same time its really liberating because you arent depending on anyone else for anything.

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