Posted: February 3, 2006 in Uncategorized

It’s becoming apparent to me that I’m only marginally good at being “the boyfriend”. I’m just not a romantic. I don’t dote on women, I avoid talking to them on the phone like the plague (though in fairness I avoid talking to EVERYONE on the phone), I’m not a car door opener or book carrier, I refuse to acknowledge Valentines Day, I only give flowers under extreme duress and despise it even then, and the idea of buying a woman expensive jewelery is laughable to me. And I’ll only compromise to a point, after which they can do whatever it is by their own damned selves.

I am however a believer in practical affection. I willingly provide things I can without being asked, make tailor-made mixes of music that means something to her, and I’m a firm believer in making time together quality time, not just being together to be together. Essentially, I’m only going to be “the boyfriend” when it makes sense to me. Overall it’s probably going to keep me single more often than not, but I firmly believe in my approach, and I’m sticking to it. Especially since I know at least one girl I rather like that doesn’t mind it.

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Comments
  1. tokori says:

    I think you are romantic, just not in the way society defines it (flowers, door holding, coddling, candle lit dinners, etc).
    Now that you have a clear definition of who you are as a boyfriend, you can find a girl, if you want, who is extremely happy with your approach. You have had the opportunity to clearly define romance to you and the right girls will love exactly your methodology.
    Really, to be fair, not all girls want flowers or doors opened, just like not all guys like dogs or want to travel 😉
    their out there. I just know it.

    • Reuben says:

      Now, I actually see being romantic and being a romantic as two different things. For some, being romantic can be simply putting the toilet seat down. Being a romantic however takes a certain mindset. I for one do not posess that mindset.
      Sadly, women who accept anything but that mindset seem to be few and far between. And to be fair, guys who don’t try to fake it just to get laid are also a rarity.

  2. Anonymous says:

    I think you are romantic, just not in the way society defines it (flowers, door holding, coddling, candle lit dinners, etc).

    Now that you have a clear definition of who you are as a boyfriend, you can find a girl, if you want, who is extremely happy with your approach. You have had the opportunity to clearly define romance to you and the right girls will love exactly your methodology.

    Really, to be fair, not all girls want flowers or doors opened, just like not all guys like dogs or want to travel 😉

    their out there. I just know it.

    • Anonymous says:

      Now, I actually see being romantic and being a romantic as two different things. For some, being romantic can be simply putting the toilet seat down. Being a romantic however takes a certain mindset. I for one do not posess that mindset.

      Sadly, women who accept anything but that mindset seem to be few and far between. And to be fair, guys who don’t try to fake it just to get laid are also a rarity.

  3. somechick says:

    I always like reading your point of view on these sorts of things… always insightful and interesting.
    I feel much the same way.

  4. Anonymous says:

    I always like reading your point of view on these sorts of things… always insightful and interesting.

    I feel much the same way.

  5. muffster says:

    The way that i see it is you should only do what you are comfortable with. if you don’t give flowers you shouldn’t. if you don’t open doors…. DON”T. any woman worth her salt will love you for exactly who you are and not have any preconcived notions about what you are “suposed” to be. i would never want any one to treat me in a way that didn’t make them feel comfortalbe. that is the thing i find totaly depressing. the whole thing about dating is suposed to be getting to KNOW someone. how are you suposed to get to know them if they are pretending to be something they aren’t. so ya i like dating a romantice guy. but that is his nature. and i liked dating you becasue of WHO YOU ARE.

  6. Anonymous says:

    The way that i see it is you should only do what you are comfortable with. if you don’t give flowers you shouldn’t. if you don’t open doors…. DON”T. any woman worth her salt will love you for exactly who you are and not have any preconcived notions about what you are “suposed” to be. i would never want any one to treat me in a way that didn’t make them feel comfortalbe. that is the thing i find totaly depressing. the whole thing about dating is suposed to be getting to KNOW someone. how are you suposed to get to know them if they are pretending to be something they aren’t. so ya i like dating a romantice guy. but that is his nature. and i liked dating you becasue of WHO YOU ARE.

  7. vanz says:

    “(though in fairness I avoid talking to EVERYONE on the phone)”
    ahh… curse of the ex-phone support tech. I’m afflicted as well. At least that’s what I blame it on 😉

    • Reuben says:

      Hah, you know where I’m coming from then. The very idea of open-ended phone calls makes me cringe like I just saw a guy get his nuts ripped off.

  8. Anonymous says:

    “(though in fairness I avoid talking to EVERYONE on the phone)”

    ahh… curse of the ex-phone support tech. I’m afflicted as well. At least that’s what I blame it on 😉

    • Anonymous says:

      Hah, you know where I’m coming from then. The very idea of open-ended phone calls makes me cringe like I just saw a guy get his nuts ripped off.

  9. annaanna says:

    i *have* to put my two cents in – really just because i’m an opinionated pain in the ass.
    romantics are highly overrated. james will occasionally hold the door open – but i certainly haven’t gotten flowers since heaven knows when. we never do anything for valentine’s day – and that’s the day we started “officially” dating – so it has a bit more meaning. we don’t even celebrate our wedding anniversary – it’s just not our thing.
    but he’ll fix my computer, update my playlists, or pick up a cookbook he saw while he was updating his ‘geek porn’ that he thought i might like. and to me, that’s better than any flowers 🙂 more importantly, he knows not to buy me anything expensive, since i’ll either lose it, break it, or let the dog eat it.
    being in a successful relationship shouldn’t be about having to do things, but wanting to do the things that you do. and if that means celebrating hedgehog day together – then so be it 😉 besides – what good is dating a romantic if he can’t get me a fast enough network to download crappy superbowl commercials from google video?

  10. Anonymous says:

    i *have* to put my two cents in – really just because i’m an opinionated pain in the ass.

    romantics are highly overrated. james will occasionally hold the door open – but i certainly haven’t gotten flowers since heaven knows when. we never do anything for valentine’s day – and that’s the day we started “officially” dating – so it has a bit more meaning. we don’t even celebrate our wedding anniversary – it’s just not our thing.

    but he’ll fix my computer, update my playlists, or pick up a cookbook he saw while he was updating his ‘geek porn’ that he thought i might like. and to me, that’s better than any flowers 🙂 more importantly, he knows not to buy me anything expensive, since i’ll either lose it, break it, or let the dog eat it.

    being in a successful relationship shouldn’t be about having to do things, but wanting to do the things that you do. and if that means celebrating hedgehog day together – then so be it 😉 besides – what good is dating a romantic if he can’t get me a fast enough network to download crappy superbowl commercials from google video?

    • Anonymous says:

      You rock Anna. 😀 And yes, to guys like us, true love means never having to say, “I’m sorry that took so long to download.”

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