Posted: December 19, 2004 in Uncategorized


Repeat after me: I cannot be held responsible for what other people think or feel. But it can still make life unpleasant.

“He’s afraid of commitment.” I hate that phrase. It’s such self-affirming feminazi bullshit. Yes, some guys fear settling down and all that due to repressed feelings of inadequacy or oedipal complex or whatever. That’s their deal. But for a lot of guys, commitment is something they simply don’t want. Personally, I’m lucky enough to be in a situation where that’s perfectly understood and not even an issue. But if it looks, feels, and smells like something deeper, even if it isn’t, it’s disconcerting. I have to step back and make sure I know who and where I am. I have to make sure I’m not rapping off the end of my rope when I was pretty sure I had plenty left.

Could this be regarded as me kinda “freaking out”? Sure. I’ll admit that. Hell, you can call it being “male PMS” if it helps. But considering I can count on one hand the number of times in over a year I’ve “freaked out”, I wouldn’t mind a little freakin slack, since I get to deal with them on a monthly basis, sometimes more, and I like to think I take them pretty well in stride.

I play by the rules, and when I color outside the lines, even someone else’s, I own up to it, and do what I can to correct it. Any thing more than that I’d say is unreasonable.

And that’s all this jerk has to say.

Advertisements
Comments
  1. aardammit says:

    Hell, I’d not even say men are afraid of commitment, but are often pressured into feeling they should do more to show they are “committed”.
    I feel a lot of it’s a gap in communication.

  2. Anonymous says:

    Hell, I’d not even say men are afraid of commitment, but are often pressured into feeling they should do more to show they are “committed”.

    I feel a lot of it’s a gap in communication.

  3. muffster says:

    I don’t think you are a jerk.

  4. Anonymous says:

    I don’t think you are a jerk.

  5. muffster says:

    I wouldn’t mind a little freakin slack, since I get to deal with them on a monthly basis, sometimes more, and I like to think I take them pretty well in stride.
    this is a good point. I had no idea i was effecting you by reacting to my life and all the things that have been happening this weekend. I am sory if i added to your discomfort in any way. i am on emotional over load and very little of it has to do with you.

  6. Anonymous says:

    I wouldn’t mind a little freakin slack, since I get to deal with them on a monthly basis, sometimes more, and I like to think I take them pretty well in stride.

    this is a good point. I had no idea i was effecting you by reacting to my life and all the things that have been happening this weekend. I am sory if i added to your discomfort in any way. i am on emotional over load and very little of it has to do with you.

  7. a_wags says:

    I think a lot of men and women are afraid of commitment but they are pressured by their SO, family, friends or society to get married; maybe to show they are in some way more dedicated to the relationship then just dating; to show a level of respoinisbility and maturity in life and their relationship or to ‘buy the cow instead of just drinking the milk’
    Marriage is overrated.
    I believe sometimes people rationalize getting married as a way to fix things or change things about their relationships, and then there are those who get married to just have the ‘object’ of a husband/wife as a function rather than loving the actual person, there to play the role of wife or husband.
    Repeat after me: I cannot be held responsible for what other people think or feel. But it can still make life unpleasant. I have to remind myself of this constantly. Its really hard to let go and not dwell on peoples emotions who you love, Im still really working on it…

  8. Anonymous says:

    I think a lot of men and women are afraid of commitment but they are pressured by their SO, family, friends or society to get married; maybe to show they are in some way more dedicated to the relationship then just dating; to show a level of respoinisbility and maturity in life and their relationship or to ‘buy the cow instead of just drinking the milk’

    Marriage is overrated.

    I believe sometimes people rationalize getting married as a way to fix things or change things about their relationships, and then there are those who get married to just have the ‘object’ of a husband/wife as a function rather than loving the actual person, there to play the role of wife or husband.

    Repeat after me: I cannot be held responsible for what other people think or feel. But it can still make life unpleasant. I have to remind myself of this constantly. Its really hard to let go and not dwell on peoples emotions who you love, Im still really working on it…

  9. Anonymous says:

    pressure, misunderstandings, etc
    well, to add the perspective of someone way older than all of you–many times when a woman is venting or emotional or even just talking about something, a man will immediately take that as something that he has to FIX. And women don’t WANT things to be fixed as much as they just want to be able to say stuff out loud to a real person instead of just talking to the chair they’re sitting in. Just to say it. That’s why women have so many more same-sex friends than men. They can actually listen to stuff and not feel responsible for it. It would be a nice skill for men to develop that would allow them to listen, not get personally involved in a solution, and perhaps even say something like “wow, that must feel awful.” If a woman is involved with a man, she incorrectly assumes he will listen the same way as her women friends do. So, a nice skill a woman could develop is to talk more to the armchair. It works better than talking to a man. No offense.

  10. Anonymous says:

    pressure, misunderstandings, etc

    well, to add the perspective of someone way older than all of you–many times when a woman is venting or emotional or even just talking about something, a man will immediately take that as something that he has to FIX. And women don’t WANT things to be fixed as much as they just want to be able to say stuff out loud to a real person instead of just talking to the chair they’re sitting in. Just to say it. That’s why women have so many more same-sex friends than men. They can actually listen to stuff and not feel responsible for it. It would be a nice skill for men to develop that would allow them to listen, not get personally involved in a solution, and perhaps even say something like “wow, that must feel awful.” If a woman is involved with a man, she incorrectly assumes he will listen the same way as her women friends do. So, a nice skill a woman could develop is to talk more to the armchair. It works better than talking to a man. No offense.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s