Deliver me not unto mediocrity

Posted: November 18, 2004 in Uncategorized

Much to say this past week, and no real idea how to or patience to say it. The cold that dogged me for the past week is nearly burned out, and Thanksgiving in Colorado is fast approaching. Time seems to be in an awful hurry to get somewhere, but for the life of me, I don’t know where that is. And I find myself pondering its destination.

I ponder my job. I think on where I am and where to go next. Everywhere I look, opportunities opening up just don’t have a lot of luster to me. I have no reason to take another job in the same town. It would be like upgrading from a sedan with no engine to a Jag with no engine: little more prestegious, but it still doesn’t get me anywhere. Portland doesn’t call me as strongly anymore, but it’s still my destination of choice. I just wonder if anything will be “good enough” to rival what I’ve grown accustomed to.

I ponder my life. I stop and I ask myself, in the well-scripted words of Jack Nickolson, “What if this is as good as it gets?” I wonder if I will have what it takes to reach the heights I aspire to, or to even leave base camp. I wonder if I will be able to do better than simply living just above national average. Or will I simply wake up one morning in my late 40s, thinking all these same things, and wishing I still had my 20s to make it all happen while I was still so limber, both in life and in body.

I am certainly happy with where I am. I enjoy my life, and have many things to look forward to right where I am. But I fear the simple contentments may lull me into indifference, and the bus I held a ticket for, bound for Potential, will have left. In some cases my path is not so very hard to see, but I wonder if I can take that first step. If I have the will and self-motivation to make things happen beyond immediate need.

Submitted for your approval: A man of many paths and many options, yet tied to the signpost.

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Comments
  1. a_wags says:

    I could be wrong, but I think this is a mid 20s thing because myself and everyone else I know in our age group is experiencing the same thing…
    maybe portland, seattle, sf, bend?
    we’ll all figure it out, I have faith in us.

  2. Anonymous says:

    I could be wrong, but I think this is a mid 20s thing because myself and everyone else I know in our age group is experiencing the same thing…

    maybe portland, seattle, sf, bend?

    we’ll all figure it out, I have faith in us.

  3. Not to sound like I am quoting clichés but.. Life hindsight is 20/20 and foresight? I am fucking blind. I used to think I could at least squint and kind see my fuzzy future. Wacky though, I never saw wife, puppies and a house in Eugene. I just ascribe to being happy in the now, can’t plan for happy in the future.

    • muffster says:

      I have to agree with Neo 🙂 things never turn out how you expect. the more you let go and allow life to happen, and find joy in the moment, the happier and more fulfilled you are. I think it is important to stop from time to time and ask you self ” am i living the life i intend to live right now?” to keep yourself in the moment. like i have said before, happieness is not kowing what you want, it is wanting what you have.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Not to sound like I am quoting clichés but.. Life hindsight is 20/20 and foresight? I am fucking blind. I used to think I could at least squint and kind see my fuzzy future. Wacky though, I never saw wife, puppies and a house in Eugene. I just ascribe to being happy in the now, can’t plan for happy in the future.

    • Anonymous says:

      I have to agree with Neo 🙂 things never turn out how you expect. the more you let go and allow life to happen, and find joy in the moment, the happier and more fulfilled you are. I think it is important to stop from time to time and ask you self ” am i living the life i intend to live right now?” to keep yourself in the moment. like i have said before, happieness is not kowing what you want, it is wanting what you have.

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