The holidays are coming! Run for your lives!

Posted: October 25, 2004 in Uncategorized

I’m not typically one to do the whole “holiday tradition” thing, ie. go to the same farm every year and get pumpkins or go for hay rides in proper New England style, or go shopping the day after Thanksgiving in proper mindless suburban consumer style, or watch Uncle Harry get tanked, insult everyone within earshot, and pass out under the tree. These are the kinds of things I did once upon a time, but living far, far away from any family, holiday traditions tend to take a back seat. However, this past weekend I took part in what would, given the sheer mass of people that were in line, solidly classify as a “holiday tradition”, and really enjoyed it.

Just outside of town is the Lone Pine farm, a small commercial farm on the verge of being swallowed in urban sprawl, which as a defensive mechanism has developed the commercial savvy of Donald Trump. This small farm seems to be THE holidy attraction for the city, with such fall season classics as pumpkin patches, a corn maze, kettle corn stand, and goat habitrail. Yes, that’s right, an elevated series of catwalks for goat viewing. I did not get the chance to see this marvel of tourism in action, but even empty, it was a sight to behold.

But we were not there for watching parading goats. We were there for the maze. A highly elaborate creation, Lone Pine takes their post-harvest corn field and cuts a lengthy maze pattern into it, then after dark stocks it with people in scary costumes and chainsaws hiding in dark corners, ready to scare the piss out of any little kids whos parents were significantly sadistic enough to think bringing them was a good idea. The only serious downside: this maze is apparently THE weekend destination for local 13-16 year-olds, who collect in a tangible ball of teen angst. For adults however, it’s a good opportunity to wander around in the dark and get completely lost, but in such an organized fashion that getting drunk beforehand wouldn’t only not be a problem, it would probably help.

In fact, this being the first sign of the holidays, I see plenty of drinking in the near future.

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Comments
  1. a_wags says:

    I kinda have always wanted to do that maze..
    I love the holidays– only because it makes me feel like I belong to something other than myself

  2. Anonymous says:

    I kinda have always wanted to do that maze..

    I love the holidays– only because it makes me feel like I belong to something other than myself

  3. muffster says:

    thanks for the reminder. if you need me, i will be under my bed from the end of this week until January :p
    the maze was realy alot of fun. hey maybe we sould go find snow on x-mas day again this year…. not ski but maybe build snow men for a little while. a tought….

  4. Anonymous says:

    thanks for the reminder. if you need me, i will be under my bed from the end of this week until January :p

    the maze was realy alot of fun. hey maybe we sould go find snow on x-mas day again this year…. not ski but maybe build snow men for a little while. a tought….

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